PORTRAIT	NAME(S)	SOURCE	SHIP BLURB	PAGE LINK	EXTRA SPECIAL FAVE COLUMN
	WILLIE LOOMIS & Dr. JULIA HOFFMAN	DARK SHADOWS (1966)	Just a sappy 200-year-old former vampire and his 2 best friends (one of whom is his wife) who would do anything for him (including murder). My "S/I" for this one is a canon character due to My Past.	TBA	♥
	CHRIS BEAN	GOES WRONG franchise	The director (him) and the set designer and prop master (me) of an English amateur theater troupe with a penchant for catastrophic productions. He might be cursed or something. He has mental Illinois about it. I'm here to help! (I cannot help.)	TBA	♥
	HENRY GRANT	AHS: NYC	Gay professional mob fixer meets... I don't have a complicated pitch for this one. He's a sad, sarcastic murderous old fem on Fire Island in the late 70's and I'm going to kiss him.	TBA	♥
	JAKE WEST	THE DARK WIND (1991)	The mysterious but friendly owner of a trading post in the Navajo reservation in Arizona, and also an amateur witch who's killing people to avenge the murder of his son. With me so far? Okay, also I'm there and I work for him. And we're in love.	TBA	♥
	PROFESSOR PLUM	CLUEDO franchise	My own version of Professor Plum, syncretizing mostly the 1980 movie and a 1992 game show no-one remembers. He's small, scholarly and lascivious. I'm smaller, more of a dandy and more lascivious. Whether or not one of us is a murderer depends on the timeline. But we both have it in us.	TBA
	BEAR	BEAR IN THE BIG BLUE HOUSE	He runs a children's home and also hosts a PBS program. I'm a deliveryman who just moved to his small town from the big city. I bring him pastries and he tells me I smell good.	TBA
	SHELBY CARPENTER	LAURA (1944)	Nouveau riche little dandy with less experience than he likes to pretend to have meets sneaky nouveau pauvre former socialite, current graphic designer and sometimes gigolo at a party; Hays code violations ensue.	TBA
	SOLOMON	THE HAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE	He's the handyman for a family whose nanny is plotting against them (long story). I'm a low-ranking member of a private investigation firm who fancies myself a noir detective, hired to look into her. We untangle the plot as a neurodivergent detective duo and then go out for ice cream.	TBA
	LUCY BARKER	SWEENEY TODD (2007 film)	Arthur Collins is an apothecary (like a Victorian-era pharmacist) who inadvertently helped his good friend Lucy try to poison herself ten years earlier. Upon discovering that she survived, he tries to nurse her back to health. I also keep her from getting accidentally murdered by her husband Sweeney Todd.	TBA
	WALDO CHURCH	MACSHAYNE: WINNER TAKES ALL	Clever (but not evil) travelling con artist, devoted uncle and soap opera fan, plus his new friend/partner in crime who makes him question his sexuality at a rather late stage in life.	TBA
	MAX DETWEILER	THE SOUND OF MUSIC (1965)	I'm an Englishman and Max's new valet and boytoy whom he met while I was working as a waiter at a leisure club he frequents. When things go sideways at the end of the movie, I help Max escape from the Nazis.	TBA
	HARRY SUTTON	STAY CLOSE (Netflix series)	Harry is a lawyer based in Bristol; a very decent fellow, known to work pro bono for sex workers on legal cases. I don't really have a S/I yet, I just like them and would like to keep them from getting murdered.	TBA